I hated middle school. I dreaded going to school all throughout 6th - 8th grade. I've always wondered why I hated it so much but now I know. I was bullied a lot throughout middle school for being overweight. (To give you some context, I was 170 pounds in 7th grade...I'm 175 pounds now. I'm considered overweight right now. I broke 190 at one point, but I don't remember when.) I got into physical fights at school because kids thought they could beat on me because I was fat and couldn't defend myself. I got suspended twice for this reason. I got into I think 3 fights during middle school. Being bullied like that caused me to become depressed. It's pretty sad to think that I realized I went through depression all throughout middle school because I only remember cloudy and rainy days. That sucks. Three years of my life, in my eyes, are wasted. The way I see it is that I could have spent those three years like I spend my time now: enjoying everything. I try to have fun and make the most out of everything I do now.
I'm not saying this so people can throw a pity party for me. I'm not asking for sympathy. That was 5-7 years ago. I'm not depressed anymore, but it is still something I needed to work through so I thought I'd share. I haven't told many people that I was bullied or went through some depression. Maybe 2 people knew? I don't see the need to hide it but I've never seen the need to scream it from the rooftops for the whole world to know. I wouldn't consider this "screaming it from the rooftops" either. This is just me talking.
I'm not sure if I've mentioned this in a post before but in 7th grade we got these agendas which were just calenders that we were given and required to use to keep track of our homework. The agenda was divided into weeks and every week there was a quote or interesting fact. One quote I saw, the only one I remember, is "If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room." A lot of people laugh when I tell them this, but this is my motto. I think about this quote a LOT to this day. The way I see it is that I don't want to live with any regrets. Lame example, but if someone tells me to try some food I've never tried before, I'd rather try it and risk hating it and think its disgusting rather than thinking after "I really wish I tried that when I had the chance." That's my biggest point. For everything, not just food anymore. "I really wish I tried that when I had the chance." I don't want to pass something up and then never have another chance to try it. I don't want to live with regret and wish I did stuff I didn't. I'd rather say that I'm glad I did. That's why I want to try the World's Largest Rope Swing. Allie said "I'd die. That's scary. I would never do that." Not saying that's a bad thing, to be scared, but for me it's more that I want to do it and I don't want to always say "I wish I could do that."
I've changed a lot over the past 4 years of high school, and especially the past 7 years since middle school A few months ago I went into MS Paint and put two photos of myself back to back.
I was going through all of my Facebook pictures and felt like I had to do this. This is crazy to see how much I've changed in the past 4 years since the first picture was taken freshman year. I've grown so much as a person and I love it. I'm not embarrassed about who I used to be, but I'm proud of who I am now. I've become a better person over the course of these four years and I don't regret anything I've done. I've matured and I've learned to be confident in myself. Change isn't a bad thing. Everything changes. It's bound to happen. It's just a matter of how you handle these changes and work them to your favor.
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